one block
Nessun maggior dolore che ricordarsi del tempo felice nella miseria. Inferno V
15th between Broadway and X
I walk the route every morning
every evening circle back the same way
but it’s the morning that makes you
flow from the Starbucks
wet as a memory now really as I cross
the rough evil sidewalk where I once fell
when I ran on my way to work
I was late no one cared but my knee
bloomed violets for the rest of my life
after I told you I’d shredded my Dockers
you left work
drove to Target and brought me new pants
another time when I slumped to the grass on 14th near First
I had run out of water you fed me Jamba Juice
I know you love me just as I know
you think you are not special you are special
you think I do not know I do know
you think your secrets make you
undesirable they make you most desirable
you think no one sees who you are inside
what you cherish and fear
I see who you are inside
I see your wickedness
that you cherish and fear
and I too am wickedness
I never told you
like a trembling hand on a bright stage
my motions make an art of confidence
this gesture a masked array of words
I never allowed a storm to shower you
I never told you how when I come
to the freeway where the pedestrian light glows
white one second only
before cars rumble off 15th with Nazi brutality
how one November in the early dawn
I stood at the crosswalk and the world sang alleluia
cars stood up on their wheels
birds chirped proverbs
worms formed ancient haiku
gas fumes became perfumes
everything wrong fixed itself for me with a sherbet glow
a rising sun pulled up by the gravity of my right arm
because I had reached inside you and you were mine
contrast the dark charcoal of the subsequent winter
the last kiss on your bare shoulders
the melody of your voice my Earthly Paradise
became distortion and gray smog for I no longer had you
fuck January
later I found a chick dying in front of the 76 gas station
defenestrated on the cement where countless scoundrels urinate
a wren or thrush
I set it beneath the leaves
did it die or live in its own arcane psalm
and since then I have melted
into other memories I’ve met on that block
out of place in the oil and city grease
the fragile egg
the mantis larva
how could I forget you were the woman who said I am the opposite of boring
you called me your Christian Grey you said making love to me would cure you
of all other men but don’t you think I know there is no cure
you think this is your grand problem to solve but it isn’t
a question of morality or what will come after us in the future
it is the crow in my soul right now
I know why you are I know how to touch you I hold
a red string twined around you
I am just like you and you cannot escape me anymore
than I can escape you for if I unravel the thread
it calls my spirit to coil around you again
now as I watch that pedestrian light
I recall everything in each blink of the crossing signal
all I ask is simply give up everything and love me
make this world into our world
do this and the beauty of both our lives will shine
like the gaudy lights of a Tower marquee
or we can walk a little ways down Broadway and find the other fate
in the yard of italic monuments that stand with cold words
over all the couples who decided this life was more real than love
who never chanced the plunge beyond the jungle cliff into the mist
who when the ground reached up and snatched them by their hair
descended into a common pit of mud and unfilled dreams
a fire cannot hold its breath and stand frozen nor can I
knowing you exist in this life do anything other
than chirp my songs like the wren who’s lost her little one
calling you back to my embrace
oh I burn for you with every pulse